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Mom of five lovely daughters, wife of one dashing man. Born in Utah, grew up in Oregon, live in Georgia.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Love Language

David and I are in a marriage enhancement class during the Sunday School hour at church that is SO interesting! Yesterday we took a quiz to determine what our "love language" is. Love language refers to the way you prefer to give or to receive love and there are three different love languages: touch, verbal, or visual. (Take the quiz HERE to see which one you are.) As we were answering the questions, David and I kept laughing because we are so totally different in our love languages. David's love language is touch, and mine is visual (meaning that I prefer to give and receive love by doing things.) Looking back, we can see that almost every source of conflict we've had in our marriage comes back to our different love languages. For example, David gets frustrated with me when I don't respond to his affections. (And I'm thinking: Can't you see that I'm busy trying to get dinner ready and the house clean and the kids taken care of? I do these things because I love you!) And I have gotten frustrated with David on multiple occasions when he doesn't follow through with things I've asked him to do. (Even when he gets other people to do them in his stead.) It totally hurts my feelings that he isn't willing to do the things that are important to me. (And he is thinking: "It'll get done eventually. Now, sit down and I'll rub your back.")

The big lesson for me (again!) is that marriage requires total unselfishness. It's so much easier for me to show David I love him by making him a special dinner than it is to initiate physical affection. And he would so much prefer to sit and cuddle instead of helping me clean. But, if we both make an effort to speak each other's language, in the end we'll both receive a lot more of the love we need.

So, now I'm curious. After taking the test, which love language do you prefer?

12 comments:

Diana said...

I'm the same as you after taking the quiz. After reading your post I figured I would be. I can totally relate to this.

Kate said...

What a cool class. Who is teaching it? I'll take the test and get back to you!

Jen said...

I think there is a book out there about 6 or 8 different love languages. My husband and I are really similar to you two.

The book has gifts, service, touch, verbal, and I can't remember the rest.

Nisa said...

Who wants to sit and cuddle when the house still needs to be cleaned. Who needs a back rub when there is still work to be done. Okay, maybe we women need to trade in our type A for a little type-relaxation.

Audra said...

My love language is touch and verbal. Interesting.

Sally said...

We read the Love Languages book several years ago, and it has really helped us understand each other. I need a lot of service-type love and my husband needs more verbal praise and acknowledgement. So interesting!

Natalie said...

Kate, the bishop is the teacher. It's really good and entertaining.

I ended up being a verbal person. But, I wasn't there on Sunday to see what exactly that means. I guess I like to be told I'm loved a lot. I would have thought I would be visual too...hmmm...

Elaine said...

I'm quessing that it sounds like a gender issue also. Most marriages I know are like you and David, including Me and Mo. For my birthday, Morris asked me what I wanted, He wanted to buy me stuff, I wanted him to do or help me with tasks, Like organize the Garage, work on the bathroom remodel, move the 2X4's from the entrance of the storage so I wouldn't keep tripping.etc etc. Those seemed lame to him. Oh well.

MiandMiksmom said...

That sounds so interesting! I will take the test now!

Abbi said...

I got 14 for Touch, 11 for Verbal, and 2 for Visual. But I wonder if this will change once residency is over and we have kids. Right now I mostly just want Chad to physically be with me, instead of working or sleeping, and so that's probably why I scored so high on Touch. I'd be interested to take this again in a few years and see if it changes.

Kimberlie said...

I was mostly verbal with some touch. I would have thought I was more visual but I only had two of those. I can totally relate to all that you are saying.

i'm kelly said...

i'm so interested in the quiz... thanks for the link!