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Mom of five lovely daughters, wife of one dashing man. Born in Utah, grew up in Oregon, live in Georgia.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Mother vs Lover


Yesterday was Valentines Day... and I think I celebrated it all wrong. Instead of focusing on my husband, I focused on my kids. To be honest, I wasn't in a very passion-filled mood (thanks to hormones raging in the opposite direction). But in retrospect I should have invested a little more energy into reclaiming that "lovin' feeling" instead of spending so much time spreading the love elsewhere. I'm not alone, am I?

I remember watching an Oprah a while ago where a lady was in the hot-seat because she had written an article about how she loved her husband more than her kids. People were furious at the idea that she put her spouse before her children and strongly condemned her for it. But I think she did it right. Of course she loved her kids, but the best thing she could do for them is to love their father. Afterall, if the marital relationship goes awry, the family unit itself is in trouble. But it's so easy to get caught up taking care of our kids that we neglect our husbands. It's a relationship that is easy to take for granted. And when the demands of motherhood are so fierce sometimes we simply don't have the energy left to court and canoodle our husbands.

So, here is my question: What do you do to keep the fire burning? (Especially when hormonal waves threaten to put it out!)

12 comments:

MiandMiksmom said...

ohhhh, this is good, and so true. I don't have advice because it's something I'm working on all the time...or at least remembering that I NEED to work on it.

Family of 7 said...

I don't know if I have any good advice on this but, I think doing simple things together. Sometimes the best times together are not planned and you just enjoy the momments. I think we have so much pressure as Mothers that we just get exhausted! I do think we need to put our husbands before our children. We also need to take care of ourselves and love ourselves. I know when I feel good and am less stressed it is so much easier to give to everyone else!

Melissa said...

I'm having a hard time with this too... I wish I had answers, but I don't. I once read that is it difficult for some mothers to be affectionate toward their husbands when they've had plenty of affection from their kids all day! Sometimes, when my husband comes home all I want is SPACE. Ya know? It's difficult to balance. {sigh}

Kate said...

I can't tell you, as I'm sooo sick when I'm pregnant and being romantic is the LAST thing that I want to do for 9 months. I sometimes just have to make myself because I want him to know I love him and haven't forgotten him. It's a concious effort, but it pays off. AND I reassure him that when I'm done nursing, I'll be hot for him again! ha ha!

Sally said...

I totally agree that husbands should come first. I once heard a lady talk about her kids being the love of her life. I felt bad for her husband. But it is definitely easier said than done!

I'm not sure exactly what it means to "canoodle" our husbands, but I think I'm all for it!

Mindy said...

I think I spoke to the same woman Sally did. All I could do was feel sorry for that poor guy who sounded merely like a sperm donor.

As for that flame, let me know when you figure it out.

acte gratuit said...

You (and I) will just have to lock the kids out of the house next year. It's the only way.

Congrats on #5!!!

Shana said...

Well... hmmm... I totally agree 100%. I think just by greeting him at the door when he comes home, taking time to talk to him, laugh together, joke around with each other and take time for alone time and dates... :) That is my suggestion. But yes, when you have raging hormones.. you don't want to do nothin and you want him to do all the work. And you know what? I think that is ok!! There will be times when you give 90 and he gives 10-- there will be times when he gives more than you... However, if you are meeting 100% each day I don't think it matters. :) It is never 50/50. Good Job at realizing though. That is the first step. :) You guys are a great couple!
Love you

Elaine said...

Something my mother always said, " This too shall pass." In this case the "hormonal blues" Just try and keep the MAIN thing the MAIN thing and don't loose sight of the BIG Picture even when it is a bit out of focus. Our guys must think we're worth it to put up with the not so romantic times. They get over it and still love us.

Nisa said...

Well, I'm not the person to help. And maybe you shouldn't have someone making you feel better for neglecting your husband just a little. So I'll just say that no, you are not alone. Valentines came and went in our house, where little talking is said between the grown ups and I still feel as if I've moved to Texas to be placed in a guilded cage. So, no, you are not alone.

Kami said...

I'm a really bad example of being "lovy dovy" when I'm prego. I didn't want to be touched! Just give me whatever treat I wanted (usualy a soft pretzel) and let me be.

SusieQ said...

I find it absolutely life-saving to get away together once in a while, even if it's only for 24 hours!