Do you want to know my worst fear? (besides having my house infested with mice?) It's being a bad mom. Overall, I have to admit, I am a really good mom. But sometimes (of the month) I don't feel very nice. And those times are even worse when I am pregnant. Some people get really sick when they get pregnant. I don't get sick. I just get angry, and then depressed. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be sick. When you are sick people bring you casseroles and come do your laundry. But there isn't a lot of sympathy when you are grumpy and feeling sorry for yourself.
No, this is not an announcement. I'm NOT PREGNANT. But I'm beginning to feel like it's time to start thinking about it. Summer will be 3 years old in September and while I'm not old, I'm certainly not getting any younger. I know our family is not complete. I know there is at least one more child waiting for us, but I am scared to death to be pregnant again. I don't like feeling constantly on the verge of losing my temper, or totally incapable of dealing with life's daily demands. And quite honestly, I am kind of enjoying life without a baby on my hip.
Logically, it makes no sense to have another baby. We fill up this house as it is, we have no maternity coverage, and I feel like I already have my hands full. But... I know that we're not "done." I know that once our next little child is here I'll be so thankful I chose to have him(???) . But nine months feels like a long time. And it feels like a sacrifice. And I'm scared.
Do you get scared, too??
About Me
- Jessi
- Mom of five lovely daughters, wife of one dashing man. Born in Utah, grew up in Oregon, live in Georgia.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
SCARED
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8 comments:
AHH YES!! But not in the sense I am onery, but I get SO SICK and especially TIRED and all I want to do is sleep and never wake up. Umm.. I am not sure how I can take care of kids when I am so tired I can't even get out of bed! But you know. You never remember how truly BAD it was, those 9 months. It usually goes by faster and once it is over and you hold your little babe in your arms.. You are so grateful you went through it! :)
GOOD LUCK! You'll be great!
I feel ya Jessi! But next time I'm pregnant, let me know where those casserole bringers and laundry doers live! I'll give em a ring! My 'temper', I guess I should say, patience, is on a very short string when I'm pregnant... but it can also be that way when I'm tired, stressed and basically living life as a single mom... something I must temper daily!
Being pregnant back to back I totally feel where you are coming from. I have become a monster of a mom and wife. With Adam I was just so happy to be pregnant I didn't think about it much but now with the twins I feel like I am always snapping at everyone - especially in traffic where I think it’s my purpose in life to give dirty looks to everyone that rubs me the wrong way. And then today someone took my parking spot at the store and I felt the need to follow him and talk loudly about how rude it is when people steal your parking spot. This is not typical behavior for me but neither is going to be at 7:00 every night I am anxious to be done with my pregnancy this time around and can totally sympathize with anyone who doesn’t want to go through it again!
I was scared to death to get pregnant this time. And for good reason - this pregnancy is sooooooooo hard! But I remind myself every day that it will not last forever. Oh, the sacrifices we make for the greater causes.
Oh, I totally understand. You are such a good mommy though! We HAVE to get together soon. I miss you!
I know exactly how you feel. I was really onry all the time. It made it worse though cuz I was also sick all the time. So I don't really know if maybe I was onry because I was sick? Either way my attitude stank! You're a great mom though! I hear about the cool stuff you do with your girls and it makes me jealous!
I've had a couple of friends say they love to be pregnant. Uhhh..I think they have some screws loose. Well maybe not. I keep on saying we're stopping now at 3 because I really want to be. But I know we aren't done either. Right now living somewhere with 3 kids where there is only room for 1. As well as chasing a 1 year old and very determined 3 year old, it makes me a little stressed to think that I'm not done. Isn't it kind of nice though to KNOW things like that and not have to wonder. :)
I don't like being pregnant either, but I'm truly grateful I can be. It's a Catch 22. Also, I think for me the fear comes realizing that with each one, my life will change in some way. Change can be scary. You're a great mom though, and I'm sure you'll know when it's time.
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