I hate to admit it, but growing up I was always very conscious of who the popular kids were-- and I wanted to be one of them. It's not that I wanted to be a "too cool for you" kind of a gal, I just wanted people to notice and like me. I realized that there was power with popularity and I saw myself as a leader who could influence others for good. So, I worked at being popular. I joined the clubs, tried out for the teams, and positioned myself so people would see me. I also tried to pay attention to the kids around me who might feel a little left out and tried to include them. By my senior year I knew almost everyone in my school by name... and I was popular!
Once I graduated I was pretty much done with the posturing and politicking. I was so glad to be free from the social bubble they call high school and ready to move on to bigger and better things (aka, BYU!). When I got to college and involved in my student ward I immediately saw that the popularity contest wasn't quite over. In fact, it's never ended. It's different now than it was in high school, but it still exists (especially in the blogging world). The great thing now is that I don't feel compelled to play the game. Every once in a while I feel pulled into the fray, but then I stop and have to readjust my focus. It's exhausting trying to make people like you. But it is exilarating showing people you like THEM. And ultimately, the way people feel about you is determined by how you make them feel about themselves. No one likes a sycophant, but in looking back over my life the people I like best are the people who made me feel good about myself.
The lesson I want to teach my daughters is: Instead of worrying about being popular in the "in-crowd" try and pull others IN!
About Me
- Jessi
- Mom of five lovely daughters, wife of one dashing man. Born in Utah, grew up in Oregon, live in Georgia.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
The "In-crowd"
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8 comments:
Very good! I agree 100%! And what a beauty you are! :)
I think the big lesson I have learned is that you can't control if people like you, notice you, or are nice to you, BUT you CAN control how you act towards others. It is a liberating feeling to know that it doesn't matter if people like me. It does matter how I treat others. I can control that!
It is so true. I thought you were pretty popular in our freshman ward. But not the negative kind of popular I associated with high school! I know we weren't close, but I always thought you were nice!
You were VERY popular in High School, but it was not simply because you worked at it. As you said "the way people feel about you is determined by how you make them feel about themselves." That is why you were so popular in high school. You have always been a truly kind hearted person...stuck in the body of a total BABE. So of course you were popular. I was lucky to get to hang with you in high shool...and still am!
You have just written about one of the secrets of being happy! Thanks for reminding me about it.
Luckily there is One who we can count on always loving us. And His love makes up for anything lacking in our lives. It's always good to remember Him when we aren't receiving much love from those around us.
Jessi I am always amazed at your ability to pack so much meaning in so few words. My roommate reads our blogs and we talked about how great this entry is. She even copied the last phrase in bold from this entry and taped it to the bottom of her work computer screen to be reminded of it. Now you're not only popular, you're famous! J/K. :)
Your blog was so helpful. I love the idea that the people you love the most are those who help you feel good about yourself. Thanks for all your wonderful comments. I really would have loved having you here to mop my floor yesterday, but the simple offer meant almost just as much to me. Help me find an awesome credit union in Georgia for Dale to manage. He actually has always wanted to live there.
Great Insight! I love all the comments people made too. I second all of them!
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