Speak nicely

The ability to communicate is a skill that many people take for granted. We assume that because we can talk we can communicate, but true communication goes far beyond just speaking. As a freshman at BYU I was amazed to see the various models scholars had created to represent the communication process. The most basic of the models was Berlo's "Source-Message-Channel-Receiver" model. Later models were more complex, adding the idea of "noise" and "perception." It was fascinating for me to see the different elements that influence whether a message is received as it was intended or somehow distorted. There are also certain skills that can increase the likelihood of a message being received with a positive result. For example, at the beginning of this summer we were out on the lake with some friends. David was skiing and our friend who was driving got a little too close to someone else's dock. The people on the dock immediately started screaming at us. Even after we apologized several times they continued to yell and scream. They message they wanted to convey was, "You were too close to our dock, don't do it again." Instead, the message we received was, "We're a bunch of idiots who have poor self control." It occured to me that almost any message can be communicated in a positive manner, and that it takes a keen understanding of human nature to be able to perceive the subtleties that are required to ensure a message is received constructively. Successful communication is far more than talking and hearing. When we strive for mutual understanding we need to both speak and listen with empathy, discernment, and sensitivity. Imagine what a better place the world would be if everyone could communicate productively!