Mr. Knightley is growing up!

Remember THIS little puppy? He's turning into a dog. And as cute as puppies are, I have to say that I like dogs much better. He still causes trouble (aka, chewing on stuff he's not supposed to), but now it happens maybe two or three times a day instead of CONSTANTLY. He has mostly stopped nipping (except for when Chloe pulls his tail or tries to use him for a pillow.) And he has learned a nice little repertoire of commands. It's fun to show off how he can sit, stay, lie down, come, "leave it", wait, shake, and roll-over. I feel like a proud mama when he does what he's told. I never thought I would like having a dog, but the Mr. Knightley is finding a place in my heart.

Thyroid Update

Thanks for everyone's kind words of support yesterday. It really does help to know that there are others out there who understand. I appreciate your willingness to share your stories and experiences with me.

My biopsy went well today. The doctor gave me some encouraging statistics that eased my mind. (90% of thyroid nodules are benign.) We'll get the tests back in about a week. In the meantime I am going to make an appointment with an endocronologist and see what I need to do to get some medicine. I feel like today was definitely a step towards getting myself back to normal.

Hanging on by a thread

"How are you?" I get asked that question at least a few times a day. And lately I've not quite known how to answer it. When most people ask how you are doing they expect a brief and sweet answer like "I'm doing well." But sometimes that answer feels like a lie. Yes, on the outside I'm doing well. My kids are healthy, I'm in love with my husband, and I live a fairly active and productive life. But on the inside I am not doing well. I'm a mess. I try and keep it together, but I'm holding on by a thread. A few months ago at my annual exam the doctor noticed a nodule on my thyroid and did some blood work that revealed I am hypothyroid. I don't know if it's my thyroid or Satan, but for the past long time I have felt like I'm living in a fog. I am able to function at a fairly normal level, but it's a constant fight to keep myself going. I have force myself to stay engaged in the people and activities around me. There is a strong and steady force pulling me into a dark tunnel. And some days I want nothing more than to retreat into quiet isolation. I want to numb out and just be left alone. I also have to fight a constant barrage of negative thoughts and feelings. I feel lonely and overlooked and like no one likes me. Rationally I know that those feelings are not based in reality, but they are something I constantly fight. And it's exhausting. I want to feel good and happy and satisfied with who I am. Tomorrow I have a biopsy on the nodule on my thyroid and I hope it begins the process of getting back to myself. In the meantime I'll just keep hanging on by a thread. And trust that it's a strong thread.

Evening at the Fox

On Saturday we got to take our oldest girls to Beauty and the Beast at the Fox Theater. It was amazing. I loved watching the show, but even better than that was watching my girls' reactions to the entire experience. The show was a visual and musical delight. Emily sat on the edge of her seat the entire time. And the Fox theater is grand and beautiful. We all felt very rich just being there.

A million thanks to my Mom & Dad for giving us the tickets and to Audra for babysitting Chloe. Evenings like this give life a lingering glow.

(I wish we had better pictures to capture the evening, but our camera isn't very good in low lighting.)

Snow Vacation

We spent the last week snowed in. And even though I have to admit that I'm a bit of a snow scrooge, it was kind of fun to have a snow vacation. The girls played in the snow a ton. We drank lots of hot chocolate and herbal tea. And we watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. I read a couple books. And ate entirely too much. Below are some pictures I took one of the days I pulled out the camera.

With David's 4-wheel drive truck we braved the roads and went to a golf course near our house for some sledding.

 

This year we got a lot more than our usual dusting of snow. It looked so beautiful. Everything clean and white.

We have one more day of vacation on Monday (for MLK day) and then it's back to school. I'm looking forward to it. My kids were sick the week after new years, so I've had them home with me since the start of Christmas vacation. I think a little time apart will do us some good.

Priesthood Preview Invitations

I made these invitations for our ward's Priesthood Preview fireside. It's just a folded piece of paper with a little "tie" glued on the front. Check out the instructions HERE. (I made them using a regular 8 1/2" x 11" piece of paper and they worked fine.)

Life Soundtrack

Every year my sister, Abbi, makes a soundtrack for the year. I thought it was such a great idea I copied her.

 Our 2010 Soundtrack:
1. Lucky by Jason Mraz
2. The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson
3. Dream On by the Glee Cast
4. Keep Holding On by the Glee Cast
5. Tore my Heart by Oona (This summer my friend taught a belly-dancing class that I went to. This is the song our dance was to.) :)
6. The Call by Regina Spektor
7. Defying Gravity by the Glee Cast (this my ringtone when I call David.)
8. Come What May by Nicole Kidman & Ewan McGregor
9. Lean on Me by Club Nouveau
10. May It Be by Hayley Westenra

And since this was such a fun exercise I went back and made a 2009 Soundtrack. (For us 2009 was a rough year. But looking at it through music makes it not seem quite so bad.)
1. Touch of Gray by the Grateful Dead
2. Gettin' Jiggy Wit It by Will Smith (This was my favorite song on my training playlist for my half-marathon.)
3. Everything by Michael Buble
4. I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
5. Stand by Me by Ben E. King
6. Have a Little Faith in Me by Jewel
7. Danny's Song by Loggins & Messina
8. Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi
9. Over the Rainbow by Celtic Woman
10. Remember When it Rained by Josh Groban
11. Dark Waltz by Hayley Westenra
12. You are Loved (Don't Give Up) by Josh Groban
13. How Firm a Foundation by Voice Male

(You can listen to most of theses songs at Grooveshark.com)

What songs would be on your 2010 soundtrack?

Gumbo

We invited Audra & her boys over for a little football and gumbo today. I'd never made gumbo before and was a little intimidated at first, but it was so easy and SO good.

Seafood Gumbo

ROUX:

1/2 cup cooking oil

1/2 cup flour

Put oil in a heavy pot and slowly add flour. Over low heat, stir constantly until it browns to the color of coffee; cook SLOWLY.

3 stalks celery, chopped

1 onion, chopped

1 medium green pepper, chopped

4 Roma tomatoes, chopped

2 quarts chicken broth

salt & pepper, to taste

1 pound chicken, cut into bite-size pieces

1 cup okra, frozen sliced

1/2 pound shrimp (cooked, tail-off, peeled, deveined)

1/2 pound crabmeat

When roux has browned, add celery, onion, and green pepper. Cook until wilted, add tomatoes, chicken broth, salt & pepper, and chicken. Bring to a boil. Boil for 15 minutes. Add okra and crabmeat. Simmer for 20 minutes. Add shrimp. Simmer another 10 minutes.

Puzzle time

My sister-in-law, Jessie, Lydia, McKenna, and I did this puzzle the day after Christmas. It's a 300 piece puzzle and took us under an hour. I don't have patience for crazy hard puzzles. This one was perfect.

Bowl Game scarf

We are big college football fans, so this time of year we spend a lot of time watching bowl games on TV. It's the perfect excuse to sit and knit. This year my project is a farrow ribbed scarf. It's soft and cozy and easy to make. (Row 1: knit, knit, purl -- ending with a knit; Row 2: purl, knit, knit-- ending with a purl; Repeat rows 1-2 until your scarf is as long as you want.)

Spirograph

One of the gifts I was so excited to give this year was a vintage spirograph set to Emily. (I got it off Ebay and I think it was from the 1970s). I had one as a kid and loved it. But once Emily opened hers and tried to use it I realized she may be a little young for it. So I played with it. And had so much fun. Merry Christmas to me I guess. :)