I just hugged and kissed McKenna for the last time in 10 days. The lucky girls gets to go to Washington DC on vacation with her best friend's family. And we just have to make-do without her. I have to admit, I shed a few tears after she walked out the door. (And I may or may not be crying the "ugly cry" as I type.) We are going to miss her so much. She is such a beautiful, helpful, kind, sensitive, and fun part of our family. We will miss her "light."
I truly am excited for her, but the thing that gets me is that this is just a taste of what's going to happen for good in about seven years. Three years of middle school, four years of high school, and then bye-bye baby. If the time goes by as fast as the the last twelve years have gone, it'll be over in a wink. And that about breaks my heart. I love to see my kids grow and learn and gain new experiences, but sometimes I want to keep them little for a while longer. Because the littler they are the more "mine" they are. And it's really hard to let them go! (Even for a ten day vacation.)
One of the comments I hear a lot when people see something I have sewn for my girls is, "I wish I had time to sew!" I always have to chuckle a little when I hear that because it reminds me of a conversation David and I had when we were in college.
I was bemoaning the fact that I "didn't have time" to exercise. He argued that I DID have time-- 24 hours a day in fact-- that I could choose to exercise if it was really important to me. I argued back that with a full load at school and a demanding calling at church there was NO time for me to exercise. But with persistance and persuasion he eventually helped me to see his point. The fact that I didn't exercise had far less to do with time and far more to do with what was really important to me. At that point in my life doing well in school was very important. So, I chose to spend my time attending classes, studying, and completing school assignments. I could have chosen to spend less time studying in order to exercise. But that wasn't my priority at the time.
As I've gained experience in applying this principle I have realized another truth: I do not have time to do everything at once. When I choose to sew, I choose NOT to clean. When I spend a lot of time working in my yard, I choose to not spend a lot of time doing my hair or putting on make-up. In every choice we make there is going to be some give and take. And ultimately the question of time becomes a question of priority. What is most important to me right now?
I have choices. And I've found that I have the most joy when I'm able to take ownership of those choices. When I have a new baby, my time is pretty much eaten up with taking care of our newborn. I could choose to ignore the baby and do other things. But taking care of the baby is what's most important to me and so it's where I spend my time.
There is more to do than can ever be done. We'll never be able to do it ALL at once. But we can choose what's most important. And we can give and take.
