I love my front porch

My front porch saved my sanity last night. Chloe is cutting a molar and has been a nightmare to be around. Yesterday she screamed at me pretty much all day and by evening I was at my wit's end. But David wasn't coming home until late so I had to cope. But I wasn't coping well. During dinner I finally told Lydia to take Chloe. At first Lydia just stood next to me waiting impatiently for me to finish eating. So, I told them to go away. They went outside onto our porch and miraculously Chloe stopped crying. So, after I finished eating I made Chloe a bottle and went to rock her on our porch swing. It was amazing. Chloe, who never cuddles for more than half a second, let me cradle her in my arms for about 30 minutes. She didn't scream or fuss or even really move. She was content and I was in heaven. I've had hundreds of peaceful, happy moments on our porch, but that was the best.

(My porch does not currently look like the picture above. The picture was taken in 2005 when I was able to really do it up right. But even without all the ferns and flowers it is still a beautiful, sweet sanctuary and I am so grateful for it.)

Caught in the act

Last night I tucked my kids in bed. (Which never seems to be a peaceful, happy event in our house.) And then I went to the freezer and dished myself a nice bowl of ice cream. (Because I deserved a little treat after dealing with my kids all afternoon.) As I was putting the second scoop in the bowl, McKenna came out of her room and caught me. (I had told them they couldn't have ice cream before bed.) She looked at me and said, "I see how you roll." Yep. That's how I roll. (And probably why I have rolls.) :)

Close call

Last night David was in a car accident. He was driving home at around 9:30pm and hit the stump of a tree that had fallen in the road because of all of the rain we have had lately. The impact caused his car to veer across the opposite lane and down into a ravine. Thankfully he wasn't hurt-- not a scratch or a bruise. But he could have been seriously injured. He could have even died. He was driving 55 mph when he hit the stump. His tire blew out, he crossed in front of oncoming traffic and into a ravine lined with trees. But he did not hit any other cars. He did not hit any of the trees. And his car did not roll into the ravine. Miracles.

When he got home last night I wouldn't even think about any alternative outcomes. He was safe and home and in my arms. But then I was overwhelmed with what might have been. David is my rock. He is one of the best men ever, and the thought of life without him is more than I could bear. Sometimes I take him for granted. But last night I was hit with the realization of exactly who my husband is and how blessed I am to have him. Anyone who knows him can vouch for his generosity, kindness, selflessness, talent, and deep spirituality. He teaches seminary every morning and then works so hard for our family. I am amazed at how he remains optimistic amidst such extreme pressure and responsibility. And he knows how to love me better than I sometimes deserve. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and is such a wonderful father. The girls and I all adore him and are so grateful he is ours. This is David's second serious car accident that he miraculously walked away from. It makes me think that the Lord knows that the world needs David here. For that I am grateful beyond words.

Fishing for compliments

Last week one of David's friends from his mission was in Atlanta for a conference and got to spend an evening with us. After his stay he wrote us the nicest e-mail telling us all of the things he appreciated and admired about our family. Man, it made me feel good.

And last night Lydia got an e-mail with a list of good qualities her cousin Jordan wrote about her. Through dinner Lydia was all smiles and kept saying how she couldn't stop thinking about the list.

And on our training run on Saturday, Audra told us about how Tanner says, "You can clap for me when I'm done," every time he practices reading. Kids are not ashamed to ask for compliments. :

So, here is the game: See how many people you can sincerely compliment. Pay attention to all of the people around you and and then TELL THEM the good things you notice. It might be that you appreciate how your cashier greeted you at the store, or the nice way your daughter made her bed, or that your husband looks especially dashing. It can be in a note, an e-mail, or just a quick word. Let's focus on the positive and spread the good feelings!

Old Trucks

I have a soft spot in my heart for old trucks. Probably because both my grandparents had old trucks as I was growing up. (The picture above is of my Grandpa Howe's truck that I think he bought from my Grandpa Pyne.) I don't think I would necessarily want to own an old truck, but seeing them around on the road makes me happy. Like most things old-fashioned, they remind me of the simple, humble, slower way of life that I want to hang on to for my family. Hard work, camping trips, and doing the best you can with what you have.

CTR victory

I made a mistake. A pretty big mistake. This weekend is our stake 11 year old campout. And our scout leaders just found out about it yesterday afternoon. My fault. And I am absolutely sick about it. But, in the midst of the agony I feel knowing I have caused everyone involved stress and inconvenience, I am celebrating a victory.

My victory? I didn't lie. (Oh boy, did I want to.) But I didn't. (I could have very easily.) But I didn't.

It was so tempting to shift the burden of responsibility to someone else. I wanted to tell the scout leaders that the stake just hadn't given us the information and that it was their fault we had such short notice. And for a while I actually believed that myself. But after a quick scan of my inbox the truth lay plain as plain. The stake had given us the information in an e-mail sent out a few weeks ago and somehow I had failed to see the e-mail. It was lost in my inbox, but there nonetheless. Ugh. It's painful to have to accept responsibility for something that will inconvenience a lot of people. It's embarrassing. I could have avoided the pain and embarrassment with a little lie. But I didn't lie. And now, even though I still am stressing over the ripple effect of my mistake, I can move forward with a clear conscious and stout integrity. I chose the right when it was hard-- Victory.

"...even as He is perfect"

All week I've felt a little out of sorts. I've been working and working and accomplishing good things, but have felt frustrated because there is always MORE I should do. Even though my life is everything I want, I haven't felt calm or at peace. Last night I finally broke down to David and told him that I just wasn't feeling happy and could not figure out why. Nothing he said helped, and we went to bed even more frustrated.

Then today I watched a BYU Womens Conference talk on TV. It was an arrow to the heart. Daniel K. Judd told following story that hit a little too close to home:

"There was a woman named Esther who wanted to be the perfect wife and mother. Every morning she would wake up and say, 'This is the day that I will be perfect. The house will be organized. I will not yell at my children. I will finish everything important that I have planned.' But every night Esther went to bed discouraged because she had failed to accomplish her goal. She became angry with everyone-- especially herself-- and she began to wonder what she was doing wrong. In time, Esther began to pray and ask the Lord for guidance. And during this time a startling thought came to her mind. She realized that in focusing on her own perfection she was focusing on her own self and failing to love other people-- particularly her husband and children. She was not being loving, and therefore not like Christ, but essentially focused on herself. She was trying to be sweet to her children, but not freely out of love for them, but because she saw it as a necessary part of her own perfection. Furthermore, she was trying to get a feeling of righteousness by forcing her husband and children to meet her ideal of perfection. When her children got in the way of her perfect routine, she blamed them for making her feel imperfect and became irritated with them and treated them in a most unloving way. Likewise, if her husband did not meet her ideal of perfection when he came home from work, she judged him as failing and was critical of him for reinforcing her own sense of unrighteousness. But as time passed and revelation came, she came to understand the Savior's commandment to be perfect 'even as He is perfect.' And she realized she was pursuing the wrong goal."

Ouch.

In a physical world it is very easy to get caught up in pursuing physical perfection. I want my body to be attractive, my home to be clean and organized and beautifully decorated, my kids to be cute, and my husband to be a tool to help me accomplish the tasks I cannot do myself. All so my life can be a perfect example of righteous accomplishment. I have been doing good things with the wrong motivation.

Love was the hallmark of Christ's ministry and is the "divinest attribute of the human soul" (David O. McKay). Pride is a malevolent counterfeit. Try as we might, we will never become perfect "as He is perfect" unless love becomes our motivation. Pride is selfish and indulgent and empty. Love is selfless and pure and satisfying. I realized today that I had succumbed to pride. Everything was about me and my pursuit of "perfection." But by shifting my focus a burden has been lifted. I'm realizing that being perfect in Christ has more to do with HIS abilities than mine. Instead of waking up in the morning with an impossible to-do list, my goal is to LOVE. I'll still try to take care of the physical things, but my goal is to do them out of love and not pride. And when I fall short-- and I will fall short-- I will quickly repent instead of beating myself up and agonizing over my failues. And by remembering Christ and keeping Him at my center, I will hopefully have the Spirit to sanctify me and to help me become truly perfect in Christ.

It won't happen overnight. I will probably continue to struggle with with feelings of doubt, pride, and discouragement. But at least for the moment I have a clear focus on what I need to work towards and who I need to become.

Chloe is ONE!!

I cannot help but marvel at how fast infants grow up. Where did that floppy, sleepy newborn go?! (And where did her hair go?) :) Chloe hasn't been the easiest baby we've had, but oh how I love her. I love, love, love her. And am so grateful she is part of our family.

Happy Birthday Chloe!!

Summer is FIVE!

Happy Birthday to Summer!!

Age: 5

Favorite colors: pink and red

Favorite thing to do: play with my friends; open my presents; cuddle Mommy

Favorite food: Doritos, Cheetoes

Like about yourself: that my hair is blonde

Favorite TV shows: Little Bear, Max and Ruby, Dragon Tales

Favorite chore: cleaning up the family room

Friends: Annabella, Cailey, my sister Emily

Want to be when grow up: a mom

Favorite music: "I like to see the temple"

I didn't give up

If at first you don't succeed-- try, try again!! Mary had Little Lamb and Little Miss Muffit will indeed be present at our Halloween festivities. Not exactly as they appear in the storybook, but cute in their own way. And now that they are pretty much taken care of, I get to start doing work for the Gypsie, Jester, and Bunny Rabbit. :)

Favorite Bread Recipes

Stephanie at Barefoot in the Kitchen asked for favorite bread recipes today, and since I LOVE homemade bread, I have to share mine.

2 Hour Bread (made with all whole wheat flour, some whole wheat, or all white flour)

Mix in a large bowl: 2 3/4 cups warm water, 1/3 cup oil, 1/3 cup honey, 1/2 T. salt.
Add 2 1/2 cups flour and stir well.
Add 1 1/2 T. yeast.
Add 2 1/2 cups flour and stir well.
Add 1-2 MORE cups flour. (Or, if you live in a humid climate, lots more flour).
Pour onto a floured surface and knead about 5 minutes, adding flour if it becomes sticky.
Divide into 2 loaves and place in greased bread pans.
Put in 150 degree oven for 30 minutes, then turn up the heat to 325 and bake for 30 minutes.
Remove from pans and after taking them out of the oven.

My kids' favorite is Peasant Bread. For the recipe link HERE.

And going a little off topic, here is the recipe I use for Homemade Rolls. Honestly, I'm almost drooling just thinking about them.

2 cups warm water
1/3 cup sugar
2 T. yeast
1/4 cup shortening
1 egg
6+ cups flour
2 tsp. salt

Dissolve yeast in warm water. Add egg, salt, sugar, and shortening. Add flour 2 cups at a time. Knead for 10 minutes. Roll into 20 rolls. Place in a 9x13 inch pan and let rise until rolls reach the top of the pan. Bake 20 minutes at 350. Brush with margarine and bake 5 more minutes.

Not meant to be?

This year I really want to make my girls' Halloween costumes. Summer wants to be "Mary had a Little Lamb" and Emily wants to be "Little Miss Muffit."

I love the illustrations in Eloise Wilkin's "Mother Goose" and decided to use them as an inspiration for the costumes. I researched online and found the perfect pattern: Butterick 6659.

On Wednesday morning I loaded the kids in the car and drove 30 minutes down to Joann's to get the pattern and fabric. I was so excited. All the way down there I kept imagining how cute my girlies will be in their Halloween costumes. (Which would then double as PJ's once Halloween was over.) I was stoked. But my optimism deflated a little when I went to look for the pattern and they were OUT. And then when I went to look for fabric and they didn't have what I wanted. But I was determined, so I traveled to a different store. Still, no pattern. No fabric.

But I was REALLY determined. I went home and devised an alternate plan. I'd use a dress I already had for Emily and just make her a bonnet and pinafore and I would use a pattern I already had for Summer. So, I drove back to the store, bought fabric, and came home optimistic again. But, I bought the wrong amount of fabric for Summer's dress. Sigh. Still unwilling to give up, I decided to start on Emily's bonnet and pinafore. I cut them out last night and decided to sew them today.

I first put together Emily's bonnet. It was trickier than I remembered, but I got it mostly done. (Except for the chin ties because I ran out of fabric.) Then, I started on the pinafore. But I didn't get farther than the first step because somehow I cut the bib front 1 inch longer than the bib facing. (Which I cut out together in a double layer!?)

And THEN one of my daughters came home from school, picked up Emily's almost-finished bonnet and got chocolate on the brim.

I quit.

25 words or less

Here is the challenge: describe yourself in 25 words or less- kind of like your own personal ad-complete with self-portrait. (I got the idea from "According to Kelly").

Here is what I came up with:

Mormon. Mother of Five. Girls. Quilt loving. Red lipstick wearing. Primary Pres. Juvenile fiction reading. Early morning running. Afghan crocheting. Good old-fashioned country girl.

(My passport photo.)

Now it's your turn! Either leave your personal profile in my comments section or post it on your blog. I'm excited to see what everyone writes!!